This is the longest I have gone without blogging since I started this blog almost two years ago. It is not for lack of material; to the contrary, I have dozens of ideas waiting to be written. My hiatus is not even because I’ve been too busy. Although two kids, a full-time job, some social life, buying a car, and searching for our first home has been hectic, there are still moments of calm. Rather than dedicating that time to something “productive,” as is my wont, I have been trying to preserve some of the compassionate self-care I generally only afford myself while pregnant. Rather than racing to accomplish one thing after the other, I have been experiencing and enjoying this juncture in my family’s little world. Even on days where we hardly leave the house, so much is happening as we transition from a threesome to a party of four, as my son begins to speak, as my daughter starts to engage with the world, as I redefine how I work from home, as my husband adapts to being outnumbered by his kids, as we prepare to leave our urban lifestyle for the suburbs, and more.
Growing up, I felt that something had not happened until I wrote about it in my journal. Only when recounting the events and emotions of my everyday life did they become a part of my life story. It was not about recording things for posterity; I almost never re-read old diaries. Rather, it was the process of putting experiences, feelings, dreams, lists, doodles, poems, and fears into black-and-white that helped me make sense of them. I think faster than I write, so journaling forced me to slow down.
Being pregnant also forced me to slow down, and when I did, I discovered that – at least in my house – there is no such thing as “doing nothing.” Sometimes just sitting on the couch, with my daughter asleep in my arms and my son doing a puzzle at my feet, is the highlight of my day. I could write about how much I adore the way my daughter nuzzles into my body as if trying to get back inside, or how proud I am of my son who is now teaching himself how to do new things through trial and error, but then I would not be experiencing them as fully. So during these past few weeks that I have not been blogging, I have been living.
That said, there really is a lot I want to write about, so I’m going to start posting regularly again. Stay tuned …